You must read them out loud or it doesn't make as much sense...
1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
For the losers who didnt get it..... ur dumb!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
A LoGiCaL SoLuTiOn
Now here is a problem that finally has a formula for getting to the bottom of an age old problem.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.
Friday, November 12, 2010
StORy Of A GuY...
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
PiCk Up LiNeS... FoR NeRdS
1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
4. If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes
5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
6. Baby, you overclock my processor.
7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers
10.You defragment my life
11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?
12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
13. Baby, let me find your nth term
14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long
16. Hey baby, can i see what’s under your radical?
17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.
18. I’m a fermata… hold me
19. I think my heart just lagged.
20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.
21. did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!
22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.
24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!
25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.
27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up
28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1
30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?
31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.
32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)
33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?
35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1
36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force
37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.
38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it
43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod
44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves
45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?
46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress
47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction
48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.
49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)
50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent
51. You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron
52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you
53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded
54. I must be Earth and you must be the Sun, cause the closer I orbit, the hotter you get.
55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.
56. Excuse me, ma’am, but can I get your seven significant digits?
57. I’m overheating because you’re stuck in my head like an infinite loop.
58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!
59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting 100 MOLES of my water and salt
60. *i’ll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!
61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don’t have any viruses…
62. i’m relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.
63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s
64. I’m a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?
65. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
66. YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo
67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose
68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than just our universal gravitation…
69. I’ll “eye” your pod!
70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in depth
T and N = osculating plane, which literally means the ‘kissing’ plane.
71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine together.
(Uraniums symbol is U
and Iodines symbol is I)
72. Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.
73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.
74. Hey baby, your Body and Love waves are rocking my bedding
75. How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom, and me on top?
76. Baby if you were a 6 I would want to be your (reflection about the x-axis + then reflection about the y-axis) –>9
77. Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together. (V=IR => (V/R)=I)
78. Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame
79. Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?
80. Baby, lim (u->me) ∫ e^x = f(u)^n.
81. On a scale of 1-10, you’re a solid e to the power of pi
82. I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts..you look toned
83. I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in at least two places!
84. Baby ill be your asymptotes so i can shape your curves…
85. Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?
86. If you were a graphics calculator, i’d look at your curves all day long!
87. Question: Wanna integrate my natural log?
Answer: I’ll have to be one over first…
88. hey girl, let’s get together and figure out our heat of fusion
89. it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make you sweat
90. hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod
91. baby i just drew a pic of you on my ti83 but ur sooo hot my screen melted
92. The way the light reflects off the angles of your head is extremely enchanting.
2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
4. If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes
5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
6. Baby, you overclock my processor.
7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers
10.You defragment my life
11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?
12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
13. Baby, let me find your nth term
14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long
16. Hey baby, can i see what’s under your radical?
17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.
18. I’m a fermata… hold me
19. I think my heart just lagged.
20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.
21. did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!
22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.
24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!
25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.
27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up
28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1
30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?
31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.
32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)
33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?
35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1
36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force
37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.
38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it
43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod
44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves
45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?
46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress
47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction
48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.
49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)
50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent
51. You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron
52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you
53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded
54. I must be Earth and you must be the Sun, cause the closer I orbit, the hotter you get.
55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.
56. Excuse me, ma’am, but can I get your seven significant digits?
57. I’m overheating because you’re stuck in my head like an infinite loop.
58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!
59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting 100 MOLES of my water and salt
60. *i’ll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!
61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don’t have any viruses…
62. i’m relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.
63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s
64. I’m a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?
65. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
66. YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo
67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose
68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than just our universal gravitation…
69. I’ll “eye” your pod!
70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in depth
T and N = osculating plane, which literally means the ‘kissing’ plane.
71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine together.
(Uraniums symbol is U
and Iodines symbol is I)
72. Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.
73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.
74. Hey baby, your Body and Love waves are rocking my bedding
75. How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom, and me on top?
76. Baby if you were a 6 I would want to be your (reflection about the x-axis + then reflection about the y-axis) –>9
77. Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together. (V=IR => (V/R)=I)
78. Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame
79. Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?
80. Baby, lim (u->me) ∫ e^x = f(u)^n.
81. On a scale of 1-10, you’re a solid e to the power of pi
82. I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts..you look toned
83. I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in at least two places!
84. Baby ill be your asymptotes so i can shape your curves…
85. Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?
86. If you were a graphics calculator, i’d look at your curves all day long!
87. Question: Wanna integrate my natural log?
Answer: I’ll have to be one over first…
88. hey girl, let’s get together and figure out our heat of fusion
89. it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make you sweat
90. hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod
91. baby i just drew a pic of you on my ti83 but ur sooo hot my screen melted
92. The way the light reflects off the angles of your head is extremely enchanting.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
If YoU SaW Me FoR REaL
I logged on a site and answered your ad
friendship only and i was glad,
of families, partners and problems we'd chat
and i was very glad of that.
life went on and our friendship stayed true
a friend that was trusted with all that i knew,
at times (a hug is needed) i'd say
and you would return one the very same day.
it helped to know that you were there
and after years you still did care,
after time our spirits grew so close
it was inevitable i suppose.
without each other we were numb
soul mates was what we had become,
as long as we lived, we always would be
mentally together, you and me.
if we ever met, would you give me a kiss
or would you want to give it a miss,
i often wonder if you had the chance
would you even give me second glance.
thats all we have, our soul mate love
but thank our angels up above
but i often wonder how you would feel
if you ever met me alive and for real.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
WiLl LoVe LaSt ?
As time has passed
the question remains
Will this love we have remain?
Will it stand the test of time
Or will it just fade away
Only you and I will know
As we pass along life’s road.
All the work we do together
Brings us closer still
But it’s love that holds us close
And love will keep us till
So know my love
My heart burns bright
It warms my heart and yours at night
It alone will keep us close
over all the ebb and flow of years.
So know I miss your touch,
and the warmth of your sweet smile.
And the laugh that warms my heart.
So please stay awhile.
So keep yourself through cold dark nights
En-wrapped in the warmth of my sweet love
And pray that love will keep us close
Through all the coming years.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
OnE GeNuInE SmIlE
Pondering those eyes
And the way you smile
Each and every time
I don't know why
But, it mesmerizes me
When mere words are hard to express
As i sit and just embrace
An interest i do partake
In an opportunity to get to know you
And that one genuine smile.
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