It'S NoT ThE LiEs ThAt YoU SiNg, BuT WhAt ThE SiLeNcE WiLl ScReAm..

I used to think it was love that kept us together. It's not; it's nothing more that the infatuation we seem to have for each other.

So I learned eventually how to become a master at it like her. Fake. Fake the smile, the laugh, the personality, everything. I even admit now there are parts of me that aren't really me but mere replicas of her. These parts allowed me to not care. Not care about what I did, who I hurt, what would happen and it made me feel good. I felt liberated. ...Slowly, I am seeing how this now affects my life. My "love" life is doomed for failure practically, seeing how I don't think I want love, just a temporary happiness. Myself as a person, I don't know completely who I am, as cheesy as that may sound. I find myself constantly contradicting myself and my actions.

I loved her. And I still do. And for that reason I will almost always resemble her in some way.... in the smile, in the walk, in mindset. It's what made me exactly what I'm not today.

How do u just suddenly stop loving someone, u promised me the world and n return i got heartache. U ruined the last bit of trust i had, and still I love you. My feelings wont seize, everyday we don't talk kills me a little more. I miss u, your voice, your smile, everything... i just miss u, and even tho i know we shouldn't be together, how do u know when its really over?? How do u close the book and open a new chapter when your not ready to move on. How do u put your feelings aside and move ahead. How do i go on without the girl i love??

So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let her go so she can know just how much I love her. Maybe if I'm lucky, she'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.

I am encouraged by the existence that love is out there. That it has existed in my life in several varying shades and rhythms, and no one experience was any more or less value strictly due to his tenure or tenacity. I am shaped by *all* of my experiences, and my chosen response to them. And if I like who I am now, which I most certainly do, it is only because of that mish mash of perception, with a small dash of arbitrary reality, has made me that person.

And it's nice, because when being given the opportunity to peer into the windows of a different house of love, I learn to appreciate all that I have had in my life, and all that I have...and will have.

Forever and forever and forever.