NoThInG's AlRiGhT, NoThInG's FiNe..I CaN't Go On LiViNg ThIs WaY..

At first when we met
We said hi

Now we’re still friends
But we’ve said goodbye

I gave you a chance
And you rejected

You said it’s not good right now
And you stand corrected

You see what you’ve lost
At least I hope you do

You see what others can have
But not you

I don’t mean to sound conceited
Or vain in any way

I’m just merely pointing out
What you had, and threw away

I liked you a lot
I honestly did

But did you feel the same?
Were there feelings you hid?

If you had feelings for me
You didn’t show it

Because things are over now
And I didn’t know it

If you didn’t have feelings
Then why did you say so

When the only person you trust, lies
Then where do you go?

I just wanted to say
Thought you needed to know
These feelings I have

Need to be let go …..

It'S NoT ThE LiEs ThAt YoU SiNg, BuT WhAt ThE SiLeNcE WiLl ScReAm..

I used to think it was love that kept us together. It's not; it's nothing more that the infatuation we seem to have for each other.

So I learned eventually how to become a master at it like her. Fake. Fake the smile, the laugh, the personality, everything. I even admit now there are parts of me that aren't really me but mere replicas of her. These parts allowed me to not care. Not care about what I did, who I hurt, what would happen and it made me feel good. I felt liberated. ...Slowly, I am seeing how this now affects my life. My "love" life is doomed for failure practically, seeing how I don't think I want love, just a temporary happiness. Myself as a person, I don't know completely who I am, as cheesy as that may sound. I find myself constantly contradicting myself and my actions.

I loved her. And I still do. And for that reason I will almost always resemble her in some way.... in the smile, in the walk, in mindset. It's what made me exactly what I'm not today.

How do u just suddenly stop loving someone, u promised me the world and n return i got heartache. U ruined the last bit of trust i had, and still I love you. My feelings wont seize, everyday we don't talk kills me a little more. I miss u, your voice, your smile, everything... i just miss u, and even tho i know we shouldn't be together, how do u know when its really over?? How do u close the book and open a new chapter when your not ready to move on. How do u put your feelings aside and move ahead. How do i go on without the girl i love??

So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let her go so she can know just how much I love her. Maybe if I'm lucky, she'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.

I am encouraged by the existence that love is out there. That it has existed in my life in several varying shades and rhythms, and no one experience was any more or less value strictly due to his tenure or tenacity. I am shaped by *all* of my experiences, and my chosen response to them. And if I like who I am now, which I most certainly do, it is only because of that mish mash of perception, with a small dash of arbitrary reality, has made me that person.

And it's nice, because when being given the opportunity to peer into the windows of a different house of love, I learn to appreciate all that I have had in my life, and all that I have...and will have.

Forever and forever and forever.

MaYbE YoU WeRe RiGhT BuT I WaS LoNeLy..I DoN't WaNt To FiGhT..

Crashed

Well I was moving at the speed of sound.
Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and
Didn't know that I was going down.
Yeah, yeah.
Where I've been, well it's all a blur.
What I was looking for, I'm not sure.
Too late and didn't see it coming.
Yeah, yeah.

And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.

Somehow, I couldn't stop myself.
I just wanted to know how it felt.
Too strong, I couldn't hold on.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense
Out of how and why this happened.
Where we're heading, there's just no knowing.
Yeah, yeah.


From your face, your eyes
Are burning to me.
You saved me, you gave me
Just what I need.


And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.

Chris Daughtry

YoU ArE LoVeD !!

Even when you find no one around you, you are loved.

Even when you don’t know what to do nor where to go, you are loved.

Even when you can’t do anything
but stand still and weep, you are loved.

Why so?

Because with the love you were given life.
With the love you are alive here and now.

I'm GoNnA ShOw You I'm AlRiGhT, I'm JuSt FiNe..

What more could we want out of life, than a sense of peace and happiness?

I’m beginning to learn that happiness is just one of those things that comes and goes, like the tides of samsara, forever changing, never remaining the same. Something that triggers the experience today may no longer trigger it tomorrow.

Peace of mind however, is one of those things that I think we just over-look all too often. As we search, and crave, and chase desperately for ‘happiness’, ‘peace of mind’ seems to just slip us by.

Here I find peace of mind. Away from the chasing of happiness and selfish desires, peace of mind is in living a life of purity. Peace of mind is not over-indulging and chasing what we believe we don’t have. Peace of mind is what’s left when all of that is removed.

Here, it doesn’t matter if I get mad at somebody. Tomorrow I’ll be in a different town, with a whole lot of new, unsuspecting people to yell at. Here it doesn’t matter if I’m not full of beans and loving life every moment of the day. Here it doesn’t matter if I’m not the best friend in the world all the time, or the hardest worker, or the most popular person, the funnest person, the funniest person, or any of these qualities we wished we had.

In fact, here, it doesn’t even matter what anybody thinks about me.

So unworthy of everything. Turn them into a vessel for her. Sounds like a best seller to me. I don’t care if I have to give it away. This story need to be told. I look at myself from how I used to be and how I am and I amaze myself at times. That’s just real there have been so many situations where I would have never allowed things to just play out. There are times that it would be nothing for me to act a fool and hurt other people’s feeling.

WhAt'S BeEn SaId BeTwEeN YoUr HeArT AnD MiNe..

Subdue

Thoughts enter and leave my mind,
Slowly spinning their web,
Soft and inviting.

Some stay forever,
Nudging and evoking,
Silky yet strong.

Lingering in corners,
Springing forth,
Forced into corners.

Stinging and soothing,
Soft and sharp,
Lingering in corners.

Tears of joy,
Lost love,
Memories of time.

Colors faded,
Flowers wilted,
Dust in the corners.

WaTcHiNg ThE WoRlD SpIn RoUnD WhIlE My DrEaMs FaLl DoWn..

Who I Am Is Not Who I Want To Be

It was so tiring trying to be someone I am not and not being true to myself. Thinking the whole world is watching me left me on edge and unable to be me. It took realizing that I am not a bad person. I deserve to be happy, go after my dreams, and to live my life the way I wanted.

It isn’t going to be easy and I know I will fall a few time, but I will always get up. I will not let this world break my spirit or my desire to better myself. As long as I don’t step on people as I move forward towards my dream then I am okay.

I let go of those people who were not treating me well. It is hard to let go of people we have shared our lives and hearts with but I know that there is a reason they are in my past and not my present. That was probably the hardest lesson for me. Letting go of someone I cared about. I decided that a true friend is someone who makes times for you no matter what. They make you a part of their life and don’t keep you hovering around the edges.

We all have our own individual journeys to take.This is your story to tell, you just have to pick up your choice of utensils (voice, art, pen..etc) and tell it to yourself, to the world, to no one..its your choice. But you have to tell it because if you don’t someone else will.

You just cannot dwell in it and let it engulf you. Remember to take a deep breath, let go, and begin again.

LeT Me PaInT ThIs PiCtUrE FoR YoU..

What Goes Around Comes Back Around

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand

So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end

But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way

Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around.

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong.


Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes

You cheated girl
My heart bleeds girl
So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case
A scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy
You'll see.


See?
You should've listened to me, baby
Because
What goes around comes back around.

Justin Timberlake

DaRe To DrEaM !!

Dreams

They say dreams never do come true..
But they are wrong, I say they do
I dream of violence, I dream of hurt
I dream of children, they live in dirt
I dream of you, I dream of me
I dream of how this was never meant to be
I dream of my feelings, I dream of my thoughts
I dream of these things, I dream of them lots
I dream of my loved ones, I dream of the dead
I dream of these thoughts, exploding my head
I dream of you yelling, I dream of you crying
I dream of you hiding, I dream of you lying
I dream of you hurting, I dream of you shutting me out of your life
I dream of the of the only one I can trust, I dream of my knife.
They say dreams never do come true,
But they are wrong, I say they do.

I DrEaM Of YoU HuRtInG, I DrEaM Of YoU ShUtTiNg Me OuT Of YoUr LiFe.

Awakening to our eternal nature and realizing our absolute connectedness to all of life is something that must be directly experienced in order to be truly understood. Words and people can point us in the right direction, but ultimately it is a journey of one.

It is our willingness to set aside our beliefs and ideals in order to discover what is true beyond all beliefs and ideals that will deliver us from fear and the suffering it causes. It is a fear that arises from the illusion that we are exclusively separate beings in this experience of life, and when that apparent truth is revealed as being only relatively true, a healing occurs and fear is replaced with love. There is an experience of intense compassion, for ourselves as well as for others, for all the unskillful behavior that was perpetrated in service to that naïve illusion of separateness.Gratitude then floods in for all we have and for the opportunity to experience it for the first time without judgment.

when we reach out to another in an open exchange, it is an opportunity to experience the truth of our connectedness to a new degree. We learn to trust, ourselves as well as others, in a way that we could never get to on our own. There is great power woven into the sincere offering of a clear reflection, as we listen without judgment to the words of another. In knowing another at that most intimate level, our own essential being stands more clearly revealed.

We know love feels good. Being accepted, and being cared about feels great. Being hated, beat up, feels “bad”. So we should indeed follow our instincts. That is why we have them.

Enjoy yourself! Have fun! Laugh! Love everyone around you unconditionally! There doesn’t need to be competition. These are just suggestions and I believe there will come a time when we can all see the truth of them for ourselves.

YoU WaNt To SeE Me DiSaPpEaR?...WeLl So Do I

I woke up this morning feeling a bit off kilter. It wasn’t that I was in a bad mood, more like things felt strange. It might be due to the sun not shining in on me this morning, to greet me as I woke. It is cloudy outside and it makes me wonder if it will rain today.

You know those moments when your mind is just full of so many thoughts that you need to let them out, and find comfort in seeing your thoughts displayed out as words…well this is one of those moments for me.

There is this quote that says that happiness isn’t just an emotion it is a choice, and for the most part we all want to find happiness, but I think sometimes we forget that happiness doesn’t always have to be found, sometimes it can be created. It can be created by our words, actions, hearts, and minds.

I should be moving on. It’s been so long, there’s no use dwelling over the past what I’ve could have done. It’s all in the past, the future what’s matters most. We’re both no longer a part of each others lives… I want to move on, start my life afresh. Will I really be able to this time round? A part of my memory still lingers on… taunting me, keeping me awake in the middle of the night with nothing but faded memories of the times we used to had together, however little it was…

At times, we need to make major shift in our plans to cut off all the ’nice to have’ peripheries and just stay focus on one single most important objective…

Major shift is coming my way… need to super focus…

Alas the mind and the heart works fundamentally differently.

Remember the phrase “a penny for your thoughts”, I constantly think to myself how much would I actually be willing to pay to delve into the realms of her mind. Would I like what I found, would I be able to do anything with what I found. In fact it will only raise more areas of doubt.

YoU LoOk So InNoCeNt, BuT ThE GuIlT In YoUr VoIcE GiVeS YoU AwAy..

I know it might sound a little strange, yet am compelled by this innate curiosity to understand what people define as love. Our lives run like a poetry of love, for its in love that we grow, evolve and rise up to our potential of what we are and what can we be. My definition and understanding of love has changed over years, and though how much ever I love to give an expression to that emotion, silence always beats me by a great margin.

What do we promise when we say ‘I Love You’? Are we creating an obligation for others to live up to or a promise for me to honor? Or it simply a heartfelt expression of intense emotion? Am left oft confused. All those happily in love, indifferent from its charms and those engaged in pursuit, do pitch in for I would love to hear what you want to say in this.

Now don’t wonder about the context of this question. Probably, all I want deep down in my heart, is to be loved just a little more.

People don’t last forever, sometimes neither relationships do. Yet, its just memories and moments that make us truly alive are those that last forever, or at least till we do.

Why?

I guess we all know the answer at the subconscious level, yet it does take a conscious effort to acknowledge, understand and give our life and every living moment to the moment.

Can we design our destiny or rule our fate?

I doubt it very much. Yet, we do hold a control of the passing moments and have the power in our hand to transform them into magical memories for the life time. Just a small thought in this direction really showed me things in a new light.

I WaS So StUpId To ThInK ThAt MaYbE, FoR OnE SeCoNd, YoU CaReD..

That is the first time, I am saying (well writing) that little bit of honest truth about myself. How did I come about this revelation? The other day I was sitting around thinking about this and that, when I started to think about what it means to love someone.

Well, it’s better to be honest than to keep lying to myself about how I feel. So I have no room to give my heart away just yet.Falling asleep to music is one of the simple pleasures of my life. I think if I didn’t have music, my world would be a dark place to be in. Music gives me peace, understanding, and inspiration.

So what is going on in my mind today? By now if you read my blog you know that I am a deep thinker; a trait that is both a curse and a blessing, but mine to bear. Most of the time I get so caught up in what I still need to do, what I did wrong, how far I still need to go, what I am lacking, and blah blah.Why is it that we forget that we are worthy of our dreams, lives, loves, friendships, jobs, and whatever else we have.

There is the story about waterbirds, they take turns carrying each other on their backs as they fly. Supporting and carrying for each other through all the tribulations. I want someone I can support and who can support me. That we can carry each other’s burdens and help each other along the way.

Enjoy being alone, but not being lonely. You have your friends and your family, but most of all you have yourself. So learn to enjoy just being by yourself.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form …

FoRgiVeNeSs MeAnS GiViNg Up AlL HoPe Of A BeTtEr PaSt.

How often we are stuck in the rut because of a past situation or some unfair thing that we have experienced. We can’t move forward!

Forgiveness! Okay, so life it not always perfect and it doesn’t always turn out in our determined time frame. But what if it is all perfect in it’s creation and we are exactly where we should be and have experienced everything just the way it is supposed to be?

When we stop holding on to the past and the “unfairness” then we can beautifully live in the present moment of NOW and truly live life.

Forgiveness is a step into love. The love of yourself!

Happy loving, forgiving and being!

I TrIeD ToO HaRd BuT ShE ToRe My FeElInGs LiKe I HaD NoNe AnD RiPpeD TheM AwAy..

Do you ever have those days when simple things like someone getting an order wrong is the last straw to a never-ending list of wrongs. I expect people to use their minds and think before they act. I expect people to do what they say they will. If you tell me you are going to do something then you better do it or have a damn good excuse why you didn’t. If you say your going to call, then call.

If there is one thing I hate it is waiting. I hate people keeping me waiting. I do not have and will never find that patience to just let it go. I don’t like broken promises and lateness. Is it a crime for people to keep their word? If you know you might not be able to keep it then don’t say you will do it.It seems like when everything is finally coming together, it begins to break even more.

How does a person know that this person is the one? I used to believe that there is only one person in this world for me, made more me by God himself, but she took me for granted.Being in the right place at the wrong time, being at the wrong place at the right time, being at the wrong place and the wrong time, and then if your lucky being at the right place at the right time. That God has steered us to that time and that place for our paths to cross and never unwind.

I want to challenge myself to go after something I have passion and interest for and see what happens next. Kind of like taking of my barriers and baring myself for the world to see knowing that it doesn’t matter how they seem me what matters is how I see myself. I know it won’t be easy being in a place so different from the world I know. But that is the point, that is is different, new, challenging, but most importantly it is an experience I need at this time in my life to know I have so much more to do, so much more to say, so much more to see.

Life is not fair because life is what we make of it, and we all choose to live it differently. What is a priority for some, means nothing to others. Life could not possibly be fair unless we all conspired to make it so, and why would we want to do that? The excitement, the challenge, the variety, the essence of life comes precisely from the fact that it is not fair. Some people are born with all the advantages, and others come into life with almost nothing going for them. Is that fair? No. Does it make life worth living? Absolutely.

Lets just believe in goodness, it will always be hard when you think its hard.

Of AlL PaInS, ThE GrEaTeSt PaIn, Is To LoVe, AnD To LoVe In VaIn.

Sometimes in life, the hardest thing to do is believe in one’s own ability. We get so scared of dreaming to big, that we sabotage ourselves. Why should we limit our dreams or our desires and conform to what the world wants. I want to hold onto my beautiful dreams, because they belong to only me. I have every right to close my eyes and vision my world, my life, and do my best to make it come true. Yes, sometimes it is hard and sometimes you get disappointed or fail. However, that is no excuse to let go, give up, or limit your dreams. Take a deep breath, and keep pressing forward. Don’t psych yourself out or let fear keep holding you back from your realizing your potential. You are beautiful, capable, and wonderful. So let those that matter see that ,and forget those that would hold you back.

I am someone who’s life has meaning because of the things I can do for others. Maybe that is why I sometimes forget to put myself first, but I have seen the beauty that comes with giving. I want to leave a legacy behind.

Everyone is so spread out, going their own way, and I am here also trying to find my way through this maze called life.

The person that I liked and wrote about has drifted far away from me and I don’t think we will find our way back.I am letting go of some friendships to see if they come back or because I have realized they were never really my friend. I am lettin go of people because it hurts having them around and because I have to move on.

I just want my heart to stop clinging to her…to stop remembering…to stop feeling. I think a person with patience could wait, but for me I am impatient yet I still wait. Is it that I have a choice? No, I wait because there is no other option. When you wait it means things are out of your control and that is how it is for me. Sometimes you have to leave them behind a few steps so you can find what you need.

DoN't LeT FaLsE LoVe FoOl YoU, BuT DoN't LeT ReAl LoVe PaSs YoU By.

Lightning Could Strike

I know it’s a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, something you can’t live without.

I say, fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back.

How do you find her? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart.

The truth is, there’s no sense living your life without this.

To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all.

But you have to try, because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

Who knows, lightning could strike!

YoU SaY It BeSt.. WhEn YoU SaY NoThInG At AlL..

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some loves grow and it is a mystery why some loves fail.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do any more than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is something more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is something more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes-hopefully at least once in your life-the gift of love will come to you in full flower and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all its inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens, people too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong with them that makes the other person no longer loves them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small thing were different love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its mysterious ways they live in a sea of misery and emotional angst .

I guess we need to all know this about love and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love her, feel honored love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love will deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are very different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not reclaim it or to access blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself will choose the moment.

Remember that you don’t choose love, Love chooses you. Something I am especially grateful for in this lifetime.

Remember this and keep it in your heart I tell myself. Love has its own time, its own season and its own reasons for coming and going.. You cannot bribe it…or coerce it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave, from the heart of from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do..In the end..love always has been and will always be..from time immortal a mystery. I guess we should all be glad it came to live for a moment maybe longer in our lives…If you keep your heart open..you will extend those moments for months..years..maybe the rest of your and my life…..

LiFe'S Up LiFe'S DoWn.. BuT ThInGs CaN TuRn ArOuNd..

Only Time

Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows
Only time...
And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose
Only time...

Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies
Only time...
And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies
Only time...

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.
And who can say when the day sleeps,
If the night keeps all your heart.

Enya

I'm JuSt SaYiNg SoMeTiMeS GoOdByE Is A SeCoNd ChAnCe..I'vE DoNe ThE BeSt I CaN.

Sometimes in life, the hardest thing to do is believe in one’s own ability. We get so scared of dreaming to big, that we sabotage ourselves. Why should we limit our dreams or our desires and conform to what the world wants. I want to hold onto my beautiful dreams, because they belong to only me. I have every right to close my eyes and vision my world, my life, and do my best to make it come true. Yes, sometimes it is hard and sometimes you get disappointed or fail. However, that is no excuse to let go, give up, or limit your dreams. Take a deep breath, and keep pressing forward. Don’t psych yourself out or let fear keep holding you back from your realizing your potential. You are beautiful, capable, and wonderful. So let those that matter see that ,and forget those that would hold you back.

I am someone who’s life has meaning because of the things I can do for others. Maybe that is why I sometimes forget to put myself first, but I have seen the beauty that comes with giving. I want to leave a legacy behind.

Everyone is so spread out, going their own way, and I am here also trying to find my way through this maze called life.

The person that I liked and wrote about has drifted far away from me and I don’t think we will find our way back.I am letting go of some friendships to see if they come back or because I have realized they were never really my friend. I am lettin go of people because it hurts having them around and because I have to move on.

I just want my heart to stop clinging to her…to stop remembering…to stop feeling. I think a person with patience could wait, but for me I am impatient yet I still wait. Is it that I have a choice? No, I wait because there is no other option. When you wait it means things are out of your control and that is how it is for me. Sometimes you have to leave them behind a few steps so you can find what you need.

WhEn YoUr DrEaMs ArE LoSt AnD BlOwN AwAy..I'lL Be YoUr InSpIrAtIoN.

Myself

What do I do to ignore them behind me
Do I follow my instincts blindly
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening
Do I sit here and try to stand it
Or do I try to catch them red-handed
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again


If I turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they'll take from me'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer.


I cant tell you how to make it go
No mater what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside.

Linkin Park

DeTeRmInAtIoN ThAt Is InCoRrUpTiBlE..

Dream On

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books' written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things you do, come back to you.

Dream until your dream come true.

Aerosmith

It'S A BiTtErSwEeT SyMpHoNy, ThIs LiFe..

Happiness without love is a hollow feeling, because I cannot imagine a world where I could or would be happy without having love. Love from my family, friends, and my lover. That is just my version of happiness; I know in someone’s happiness they might not need love, but for me it is a necessity and a priority. Love gives me strength, courage, and hope. It makes me believe there is goodness in this world and it makes me happy.

I just hope that I don’t miss out on my chance for happiness because of fear, pride, or stupidity. As much as I would like to be in a relationship, to find love, and to move on to that stage of my life.

I am terrified of trusting someone with my heart and having them crush it. I need her to fight for me and to earn my trust, and she has to be someone who doesn’t give up easily because my shield is strong and complicated.

I don’t believe in fairy tales, but I do believe that when you choose to be with someone, when you commit to that person you do whatever you can to make it work. You fight for that person and the love you have for one another.

Love isn’t supposed to be easy because if it was easy we wouldn’t know how precious it is when you finally find it and get to keep it. I just hope that when I meet this person we make it work, we fight for our love, relationship, and life together. We compromise, communicate, and trust one another.

ThErE AiN't No FaIrY TaLeS - ThErE AiN't No StReEtS Of GoLd..

Say

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put 'em in quotations.


Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead.



Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end it's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again.


Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Why?
Say what you need to say.


John Mayer

LoVe Is JuSt A WoRd UnTiL SoMeOnE CoMeS AlOnG AnD GiVeS It MeAnInG.

What does it mean to love someone? How do you find love? How will you know it is love? How will you know that this love is real love and not some imitation of love? How will you know that this love will last forever? How will you know that there isn’t a greater love waiting for you? Do you think that you will find love in your lifetime?


One of my quirks is that I think way too much, as you can probably tell from all the questions that I just asked. These are some of the questions I ask myself when I think about love .

When I think about what love means to me, it is more about the simple things and none of the grandness of displays of love. That is because love is more than romantic gestures, or sweet promises, love is about the care you show for another person, and putting them before yourself. When I think about love, it comes in many colors from passionate red to deep blues it varies from moment to moment, but each color shines strong an bright. Sometimes love can be a passionate red; your so infatuated with each other that a moment apart is like agony. Then it is pure white; the honesty of your love created a bond that is unbreakable. It can be a deep blue; compassionate and understanding towards each other, or a pretty pink full of silliness and laughter! Those are only a few shades of love, but each one is special and beautiful.

When I think about love and what it means to love someone, I think about just always being at that person’s side. Never leaving them to feel to cruelness of the world. Staying by their side through the good times, bad times, and sad times. Being their strength when they are weak, giving them happiness when they feel sad, caring for them when they are sick, loving them without being asked to, supporting them through their goals and dreams, caring for them, thinking about them. Giving more than you take, forgiving them for their mistakes and faults. Love is about taking the good with the bad, and loving them though it all. Love is more important through hardships that good times. Love is going beyond your limitations to make them happy. Love is taking a step forward in a new direction together. Love is not selfish, cruel, or cold because love is about generosity, kindness, and warmth. I don’t think that anything can be warmer than the love that exists between two people.

EnJoY LiFe !! ThIs Is NoT A DrEsS ReHeArSaL.

Out Of My Heart

I feel fine
Now the rain has gone
And the sun has come to shine
Nothing can get me down today


Head over heels
Got my mind made up
As I'm driving through the fields
Nothing can get me down again
Catch me if you can
I've gotta make a getaway.

Chasing the sun
Trying to get away
From the rain that's gonna come
Hope I make it all the way
I'm lost in a crowd
Trying to find my way
But the rain keeps falling down
Doesn't matter anyway
Catch me if you can
I've gotta make a getaway
As the sun goes down
Waking up my dreams.


Take a look at the sky
Feel the sunshine in your heart
In your head, in your own time.
Out of my heart into your head.

BBMak

NeVeR AlLoW SoMeOnE To Be YoUr PrIoRiTy WhILe AlLoWiNg YoUrSeLf To Be ThEiR OpTiOn.

For a while now I have been struggling with myself and basically just trying to find my way out of the darkness back into the light. Today I have made a breakthrough, and even though the struggle is still there I know that I can make it through it, that I will make it through it.

Those moments when I felt like life was just dragging me along, and that I just want to give up were some of the saddest days of my life and even though they might not be completely over I believe in God’s enduring love for me.

In my mind that is basically that even in those dark days of sadness, misery, depression, anxiety, or whatever is making you struggle, we still have hope because there is a light that gives us another chance to start fresh, to change things up, and to just give ourselves back.We can get through our sadness, anger, and pain. We can give ourselves a new and fresh start. We all can make that choice to try and change things. To love ourselves the way we want to be loved.

I know, believe me , I know how hard life may seem, and how everything just seems to be weighing down your shoulders, but I am telling you we can all get through it. We can all make it through those dark days. We can all have a new season, a new start, and new experiences.

Yes, life is hard, we all suffer, we all makes sacrifices, but the point is that we are alive and able to strive and work for a better tomorrow. Yes, your tired, your angry, your sad, but the point is that you can feel, you have emotion and you can express yourself.

In saying all of this I don’t have a point or a message…I am just trying to share my reflection and if it has a positive effect on you then I have done something right.


Picture & Title Source : Kelly Angard

DoN'T WaNt YoUr HaNd ThIs TiMe I'Ll SaVe MySelF.

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.

Evanescence

LeT's PrEtEnD ThAt I'Ve MoVeD On..

Picture Of You

Didn't they say that I would make a mistake
Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble
People told me you were too much to take
I couldn't see it, I didn't want to know
I let you in, and you let me down
You messed me up and you turned my life around
Left me feeling I had nowhere to go
I was alone how was I to know that
You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me
I had a picture of you in my mind

Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along
Who'd believe that after all we've been through
I'd be able to put my trust in you
Goes to show you can forgive and forget
Looking back I have no regrets cos
You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me
I had a picture of you in my mind.

Boyzone

SiLeNcE Is ThE EnEmY AgAiNsT YoUr UrGeNcY.

Today is yet another day of the sameness of my life. The same thoughts, the same sadness, the same worries. Everyday happens but nothing changes…is it because of me?

I sit here in my room…the only place where I can take off my mask and reveal even if only to myself my inner torment. I don’t know how to explain the darkness that follows me every minute of everyday waiting for me to finally give up and let it consume me.

I don’t know why I am tormented by my inner demons but they persist and I have not learned how to escape from them. They are my constant companion. They are Doubt, Fear, and Sabotage.
Why is it I always fall pray to these melancholy moments? Why can’t I just have it figured out and not be unraveling?

I mean everyone’s past shapes who/how they are in the present and I seem unable to escape from it. Sometimes I just want to forget everything and everyone and leave to start fresh somewhere else.

I used to think I was strong in mind, body, and soul. It is only now that I see it was a false strength used to hide the hollowness inside of me. Day by day, step by step I want to be strong from the inside out and I want to feel liberated from my chains. My past will always be a part of who I am but it won’t hold me down from living, loving, or dreaming.

I CaN't StOp ThE RiVeR FrOm RuNnIng.

How Many Words...

Right back where we started,
falling apart at the seams.
You tack your name on my heart and,
I sat there and let it bleed.

Sweetheart so,
Now this is goodbye.


I'm letting you go.
You're letting me down.
Been caught in the rain, and I almost drown.
I'm letting you go.
Our love's black and blue.
How many words does it take to say I'm through?

I have to,
Don't want to,
I've got to set you free
No more words,
It's over.
Now I can finally breathe.


I-I-I-I-I'm through
I-I'm through with you.

Peace !!

Blake Lewis

ThE OnE WhO LoVeS YoU WiLl MaKe YoU WeEp.

IT'S ONLY LOVE

When the feeling is ended
There ain't no use pretending
Don't you worry, it's only love
When your world has been shattered
Ain't nothing else matters
It ain't over, it's only love
And that's all.


When your heart has been broken
Hard words have been spoken
It ain't easy, but it's only love
And if your life ain't worth living
And you're ready to give in
Just remember that it's only love
Yeah, that's all.

You can live without the aggravation
You gotta wanna win, you gotta wanna win
You keep looking back in desperation
Over and over and over again.

Turner Tina

ThE SoUl CaNnOt ThInK WiThOuT A PiCtUrE.

My Multicolored Soul

As far as Tuesday go today could have gone better, but I am thankful for this moment in time to collect and share my thoughts. I cannot begin to express what writing is to me. If I couldn’t write it would be as if I could not speak or see. If I could not put my thoughts into words I would have nothing but chaos inside of me.

It’s the same with music, it speaks to me in a way that regular speech never could. It evokes a response from me and it gives me that warmth. comfort, and understanding that I can never find with people. Therefore, I am thankful for music and my ability to write.

Trying to be perfect made me miserable because perfection has no place in reality. Humans will never be perfect….I will never be perfect. Perfection is undefinable because everyone has their own definition. It is liberating when you realize that you can’t/don’t have to be perfect. I am flawed, a mess, a jumble of craziness, and unique because there is only one of me. Hehe….it was so hard to admit to myself that I was flawed but now I realize being flawed doesn’t mean I am horrible…it means I am a human being. It means that my flaws are what makes me stand out just as much as my gift. I am quirky and that is okay with me.

As for people, you learn who your true friends are with time and experiences. I have learned what it means to be and have a true friend and what it means to not. It hurts to lose someone because for me they have taken a piece of my soul with them and I can never get it back. You can never get back the time you spent on that relationship or friendship but you can learn from it and grow through it.

Whatever the reason, it hurt and it still hurts.Why is it that I see myself as the cause of discord? I think my past has a lot to do with that, but that story is for another time. I am learning not to blame myself or take responsibility when I know in my heart I did my part as a friend and they didn’t. I think through losing friends you learn to value the ones you have even more. I have discovered those true friends and it has enriched my existence. Some more than others, but they have shaped and stretched me to be me. They don’t try to make me into something I am not. They love me and accept me and that makes my life beautiful.

I have always believed that the quality of friends is far greater than the quantity of them. I will always believe that. A person’s character is what attracts me to them and what keeps me with them.I think about the ones I have and it comes down to those moments when you let someone see you, your weakness, uniqueness, beauty, flaws, and they acknowledge yours while sharing theirs.

IrOnIC

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.


A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the woman of my dreams
And then meeting her husband
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic.. and yeah I really do think...

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
And life has a funny way of helping you out..

Alanis Morrisette

I WaNt....YoU WaNt...We WaNt !!

Sometimes you don’t get what you want, and sometimes what you want isn’t what you need. Even so if you don’t know what you want, then what are you going to fight for or towards? I ask this because I am not sure of what I want, and if what I think I want is truly what I want.

You have one life, one chance to find your happiness. Forget the bullshit, the superficiality, and find your way, your path, your happiness. Do what is best for you, and try not to trample on people on your way up, because if your fall no one will catch you. You have the right to be loved for who you are, you have the right to your dreams, you have the right to that little patch of happiness. Seek it, find it, and live it.

You have the ability to change this world no matter how small or large a change is still a change. You are worthy of greatness, of love, or this life. So live it richly, embrace your existence, dreams, and life. Go toward the beauty that lies ahead of you with honor and courage. If your step falters, remember you can still go on,still dream big, the only limitation is the one you place on yourself or let the world place on you.

There is no one way to achieve any of those things. Different strokes for different folks. The great thing about being in a diverse world, is the fact that there is shades of gray, there is more than one way to achieve what you desire, want and need. You have to make that choice and decision of the how once you figure out the what.

LoVe Is NeItHeR TrUe Or FaLsE, LoVe Is LoVe.

As Long As You Love Me

I I don’t care if we cannot met regularly
I don’t care if we just meet seldomly
I don’t care if you we cant be together the way I wanted to be
As long as you love me this much.


I don’t care if you are far
I don’t care if we just sometimes chat
and if I need to wait for the chance to chat
As long as you love me this much.

I don’t care if you can’t send email
I don’t care if I am always waiting
I don’t care if you just respond thru tx
As long as you love me this much

I don’t care if am here crazy for your love
I don’t care what others will say
I don’t care if I have a foolish heart
As long as you love me this much

Who cares anyway…
As long as we love each other endlessly…
But this I care to love you more than you’ll ever want me to…
For I love you more than you’ll ever know…