UnFiNiShEd ThOuGhTs

                                        



Maybe I'm not over it.

Maybe I still care!

Maybe I'm more than hurt, did you ever think about that?

Stupid thing is that no one else understands me or what was, not WAS but IS so special. It bothers me because I can't talk to anyone about it because there are so many careless people who just need people when they don't have anyone. I use to talk to you all the time about things that bother me, but this time I can't because it is about you, well not entirely you! :| I think about it every day, I get angry, then enraged, then I get upset and I end up feeling a sense of melancholy and to top it off I feel like this every day and knowing that I made the most stupidest choice just so that I don't have to be in your way pisses me off way more which creates a disgusting feeling that I can't talk to anyone about BUT YOU! FCKING LAME isn’t it? You don't even want to talk to me though you tell everyone that I ignore you and I put up with it because you're the uncool BUT smart one so there's so many people on your side, but I really don't care who's on your side or who's not. I am so fucking angry at myself for the fact that I actually FUCKING MISS YOU AND I STILL NEED YOU, I am even dumber than I think. Fuck knows.

I don't know if you care or if you even have the time to read what I am going to say, but sometimes it feels slightly easier to breathe when one speaks their mind to someone who they haven't seen or who they won't see for quite some time, someone who won't bring it up again but will just read what one's thoughts are.

I learnt how to trust someone that doesn't live with me, who isn't my family, a complete stranger. But with this newfound trust I was complete, I found another family that also loved me but showed it, another family that I still care about till now forever and always.
I do admit that it was my fault; I was the one who started to doubt things about myself, and without realizing that I unconsciously lived a lie. When it is too late, that is when I actually realized that what I had is gone, not just temporarily but permanently and to know that what I had was what made me smile every day, I can vividly see and clearly hear my heart shatter beautifully into unmendable pieces.

And to think that nothing could hurt me or tear me apart, I was so wrong. I took it all for granted and not only that but in Jim Morrison's words "Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true; we're locked in an image, an act-”. That was me, that is me. Enough is just never enough; I don't know when enough is or where it stops. I don't know how to accept enough. So I am sorry, truly sorry for what I have repeatedly mistakenly done.

So who am I really? I just wanted to be happy like everyone else, there is nothing wrong with being happy is there? Do you know who I am? Am I who you think I am? or Are you expecting more than I can offer? Am I really the person that I am destined to be? Or have I taken things into my hands without consulting with the one who loved me enough to give me this beautiful gift called life?

Now what hurts one more is to feel that pain that one had felt before, the agonizing and unbearable pain of loneliness, with this pain aching one acknowledges that friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together and true friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.
But there's more to life. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
But knowing that one will die alone, is a concern not fear; because fear itself fears itself. Not alone with no husband or partner but alone with not one close friendship that one can reminisce upon. The concern of dying alone without one's best friend close by holding one's hand is an unending life full of worry and insecurity.

But I guess I didn't hold on as tight as I could.

So to be or not to be?

Only one will know the answer.

I BeLiEvE In LoVe

Sometimes love is unexpected
A surprise you couldn't plan
Maybe you aren't ready
To expose your heart again
But, there's a feeling about it
So strong you cannot deny
That your heart and soul
Are becoming new once more
And you find yourself saying

I believe in God
I believe in you
I believe in hope
I believe in love

It's time to take that chance
The one that scares you so
And to see what beauty you will find
In each others arms
To go on an adventure
And claim the land your own
Time to face the truth of it
And stop being so alone
Because

I believe in God
I believe in you
I believe in hope
And I believe in love

Open your door to the world
Stop hiding behind your walls
Break down the ones you built around you
And let in the light of love
Allow your heart to beat for me
And mine will beat for you
This isn't a short-lived life
But enduring and eternally true
As we say together

We believe in God
We believe in you and I
We believe in hope
And we believe in love

LeArN ChInEsE In 5 MiNuTeS

You must read them out loud or it doesn't make as much sense...

1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong

2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao

4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk

5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni

6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan

7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat

9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim

10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King

12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo

13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka

14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu

15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

For the losers who didnt get it..... ur dumb!! 

A LoGiCaL SoLuTiOn

Now here is a problem that finally has a formula for getting to the bottom of an age old problem.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.

A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.

StORy Of A GuY...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

PiCk Up LiNeS... FoR NeRdS

1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves

3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

4. If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes

5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

6. Baby, you overclock my processor.

7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive

9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers

10.You defragment my life

11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?

12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.

13. Baby, let me find your nth term

14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long

16. Hey baby, can i see what’s under your radical?

17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.

18. I’m a fermata… hold me

19. I think my heart just lagged.

20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.

21. did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!

22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.

23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.

24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.

27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up

28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1

30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?

31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.

32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)

33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.

34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1

36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force

37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.

38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?

42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it

43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod

44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves

45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?

46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress

47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction

48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.

49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)

50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent

51. You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron

52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you

53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded

54. I must be Earth and you must be the Sun, cause the closer I orbit, the hotter you get.

55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.

56. Excuse me, ma’am, but can I get your seven significant digits?

57. I’m overheating because you’re stuck in my head like an infinite loop.

58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!

59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting 100 MOLES of my water and salt

60. *i’ll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!

61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don’t have any viruses…

62. i’m relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.

63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s

64. I’m a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?

65. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

66. YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo

67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose

68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than just our universal gravitation…

69. I’ll “eye” your pod!

70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in depth

T and N = osculating plane, which literally means the ‘kissing’ plane.

71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine together.

(Uraniums symbol is U
and Iodines symbol is I)

72. Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.

73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.

74. Hey baby, your Body and Love waves are rocking my bedding

75. How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom, and me on top?

76. Baby if you were a 6 I would want to be your (reflection about the x-axis + then reflection about the y-axis) –>9

77. Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together. (V=IR => (V/R)=I)

78. Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame

79. Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?

80. Baby, lim (u->me) ∫ e^x = f(u)^n.

81. On a scale of 1-10, you’re a solid e to the power of pi

82. I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts..you look toned

83. I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in at least two places!

84. Baby ill be your asymptotes so i can shape your curves…

85. Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?

86. If you were a graphics calculator, i’d look at your curves all day long!

87. Question: Wanna integrate my natural log?
Answer: I’ll have to be one over first…

88. hey girl, let’s get together and figure out our heat of fusion

89. it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make you sweat

90. hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod

91. baby i just drew a pic of you on my ti83 but ur sooo hot my screen melted

92. The way the light reflects off the angles of your head is extremely enchanting.

If YoU SaW Me FoR REaL

I logged on a site and answered your ad
friendship only and i was glad,
of families, partners and problems we'd chat
and i was very glad of that.

life went on and our friendship stayed true
a friend that was trusted with all that i knew,
at times (a hug is needed) i'd say
and you would return one the very same day.

it helped to know that you were there
and after years you still did care,
after time our spirits grew so close
it was inevitable i suppose.

without each other we were numb
soul mates was what we had become,
as long as we lived, we always would be
mentally together, you and me.

if we ever met, would you give me a kiss
or would you want to give it a miss,
i often wonder if you had the chance
would you even give me second glance.

thats all we have, our soul mate love
but thank our angels up above
but i often wonder how you would feel
if you ever met me alive and for real.

WiLl LoVe LaSt ?

As time has passed
the question remains
Will this love we have remain?

Will it stand the test of time
Or will it just fade away
Only you and I will know
As we pass along life’s road.

All the work we do together
Brings us closer still
But it’s love that holds us close
And love will keep us till

So know my love
My heart burns bright
It warms my heart and yours at night
It alone will keep us close
over all the ebb and flow of years.

So know I miss your touch,
and the warmth of your sweet smile.
And the laugh that warms my heart.
So please stay awhile.

So keep yourself through cold dark nights
En-wrapped in the warmth of my sweet love
And pray that love will keep us close
Through all the coming years.

OnE GeNuInE SmIlE

Pondering those eyes
And the way you smile
Each and every time
I don't know why
But, it mesmerizes me
When mere words are hard to express
As i sit and just embrace
An interest i do partake
In an opportunity to get to know you
And that one genuine smile.

FaNtAsY BaY

All week we dream of saturday
when we will meet at fantasy bay,
where we will take each other's hand
and glide along the golden sand.

into the sea i will run
and splash around and have some fun,
i then will call over to you
to join me in the sea so blue.

a moonbeam shines across your face
and then my heart will start to race
the love in your eyes will start to show
under the beautiful moonlight glow.

we then will picnic on the beach
and once again our hands will reach,
our bodies then will start to shimmer
underneath the nighttime glimmer.

to our special songs we will then dance
our cheeks will brush
when we have the chance,
we hold on tight till the very last song
and stay so close the whole night long.

the sun comes up, it's time to go
sad the night's over we move so slow
we dare not kiss or become lovers
because both our hearts belong to others.

again we will dream of saturday
when we will meet at fantasy bay,
again we will dance the whole night long
to our favorite and special songs.

I usEd To LoVe SoMeOnE...

I used to love someone
Someone used to love me,
Now I sit in silence in the dark
Wondering why you left me.

At times I’m glad you left
At times I’m sad you left,
But the best is
In my heart you never left.

Time has passed
Like the sands in the glass,
Time has part
Like I’ve watched the grass.

I used to love someone
Someone used to love me,
Now I sit in silence in the dark
Wondering why you left me.

TiLl I GeT OvEr YoU

I still can't get over your message,
it just keeps coming back to me
At times I'm feeling okay
but then it will hit me again
and I will start feeling sad and low
You told me to find somebody else,
since you'll just hurt me
After what you have shown me,
you want me to just walk away
It feels really awful
I thought we shared something special,
yet it's just so easy for you
to cut me off just like that
I know in time I'll be okay,
it's not any time soon
but eventually I'll get there
and when I finally do,
I hope I can smile, look straight in your eyes,
and say "thank you, I'm over you."

LeTtInG Go...

Today I found out that your feelings
for me are gone
They will no longer be here,
so I have to be strong
But the truth is, our feelings aren’t the same
My feelings for you still remain

I’m going to miss the times we were together
Saying our love would last forever
I never thought your love for me would end
And now I’m left with pain that will never mend

I wish I could see you one last time
So I can see what was once mine
I can still imagine you standing next to me
But I know it will never go back
to the way it used to be

And ever since that summer day
My love for you will always stay
But those are feelings I can no longer show
Because today, you let me go.

NoT jUst A DrEaM...

Lying still in bed
Thoughts running through my head
Blush on my cheeks
As I continue to think
About how you make me feel
So happy
I love the way you smile
And that I can make you do it
I love our talks
And your laugh
I want to be next to you
To hold you close
And know that you are real
Not just a dream
You’re not just a dream.

ReSt In PeAcE...

I wish you were here again,
we had so much fun towards the end,
i cried for you every night,
why did you have to see the light?

It shouldn't have been time for you to go,
there was so many things
you were suppose to know,
you were suppose to live your life,
and one day become a beautiful wife,
you were the one i was able to look up to,
all the things you helped me get through,
your hugs i miss them very much,
i would do most anything
just to feel your touch.

Your laugh is all i wish to hear,
whether it can be far or near,
best friends we promised till the end,
but we didn't get alot of time to spend,
i wish you were here right now,
if only i could bring you back some how,
i would turn the hands of time back around,
you're the best friend i had ever found,
i miss you alot i really do,
i miss you alot..and i love you too...

Stand By Me

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me.

Ben E King

WhAt Is A DaD ?

A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail...

WhErE LoVe Is...

Lonely hearts, shattered dreams,
Searching for renewed hope
Through cyberspace connections.
A smile, a note,
Sleeping silence
charged with whispered secrets,
wants, desires, and fantasies.
Moonlit journeys taken
In order to explore the past,
and the present.
Marking mysterious paths
into unforeseeable futures.

The air turns tense as the anticipation of needs
left too long unfulfilled,
explode to the surface.
Self restraint and wanton desires
Battle for control.
Lips press gently together,
Hands search for the warmth of skin,
Tongues taste heated breath.
Liquid heat,
scalding blood,
wake memories of languid pleasure.
Desperation,
the desire to feel flesh against flesh.
Blinding, sensual urges
cry out for satisfaction.

Scalding flesh seeks solace
As discard clothing litters the floor.
The eternal rhythm of man and woman
Sacred symphony of love.
Naked bodies joined in frantic fascination,
Tangled, sweat drenched sheets
Saturated with the feral scent of ecstasy.
Sated lovers wrapped in each others arms
Gaze with wonder into each other's eyes.

LoVe'S AfTeRgLoW

I love to see you sensually draped,

In the after glow of love’s refrain.

The tresses of your brown hair,

Disheveled by uncontrolled desires,

Luscious lips that once wore red

Now lie pale, naked and silent,

The gentle breathing of your tanned body

Glistening with drops of love’s passion,

Your bruised breasts seeking repose

From amorous lips that worshiped there,

And your sea-green eyes now bowed

In prayer and contemplation,

But on your beautiful, angelic face

Sits a sweet smile of contentment.

RaNdOmZ ThOuGhTzZz...!!

It's just a time lag, I cannot define. Really stressing out to overcome it but falling deeper and deeper. I look out for directions but always stumble upon on my way. Life is not perfect everyone says but at least they have a life and I don't even feel that.

Never knew the circumstances could drag me in such manners that I never expected. Falling down and rising up was always seen but digging into that deeper shell where you are not able to grab to anything to climb up is really worse.

Where you knew that bunch of people you can trust upon are only letting things down for you, seems a world broken into pieces that cannot be adjoined with anything. Its scattered difficult to recollect, difficult to regain.

Sadness has being a part of me inside which is just pushing me away from all things. Really fighting it out but there is no call apart from what a small spark is inside of me that keeps me walking like a dead soul. Fed up, arrogated, frustrated, trembled are all words defining my agony, my prologue, my attitude which is not I want to be but yes but is the only word that is helpful at this moment of time.

Why I am getting such annoyed, was it being too nice to people around me, was it making others happy, was it just listening to others, was it my short tempered, was it my emotions, was it my aimless life, was it the casualness, was it my feelings, what was it ? who is it ? I simply don't know. It's something yet to be explored but seriously I don't find it that much simple to fight it out alone.

Don't know what wrong deeds I did that has fallen me so hard that its getting really difficult to stand up. Its like a crush to the bones where you have the endless pain every time you try to wake up. Even tears don't fall off to make me feel comfort, they also remain inside just to make my heart sink deeper in the thoughts that just makes me weak & nothing else.

Really wanna scream that song "Time where did you go, why did you leave me here alone, wait don't go so fast, I am missing the moments....Wait for me this time."

Really pushing hard & hard & hard but everything just seems an illusion. Nothing in reality, just stuck down, bent down, crawling up but can't make it.

Words are tripping...Sorry Life, will get back to you sooner or later; I even don't know.

Let's see what can be done... !!